


Painting The World With All My Pain

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, I swear there's a happy ending, M/M, it just takes a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 19:33:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/739309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years later, Zayn has stopped painting. The paintings no longer resemble anger or sadness, they don't resemble anything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Painting The World With All My Pain

 

It's when he's been gone a year that Zayn finally starts to paint again. At first, the portraits are ugly, repulsive, and dark. The colors blend together to portray the hatred and anger that Zayn feels. The reds and violets mesh into black and the ugly faces that leer back at him have caused sickness many different times. Peace is not something Zayn had felt in a long time.

 

His paintings used to be bright and vibrant. Pictures of beautiful parties and dancing girls and _Harry_. Brilliant yellows and sultry pinks. Wondering greens and exotic blues. His paintings were sold for thousands. He was a local legend with his paintings. One was even said to have made it's way to the Queen's chambers in England. But none of that had mattered to Zayn. For him, it was the love of a boy with dark curls and green eyes that had helped him continue painting those beautiful things.

 

Two years later and the paintings get a little better. They're not happy, no, but they're not angry, either. They're sad. Whites and greys and sad blues. Through them, Zayn tells the story of the pain he feels every day. He'd started smoking again, something that Harry had hated.The cigarettes help dull the ache that's so deep in his heart he feels he might break sometimes.

 

Liam comes around sometimes. They don't say much, just sit and drink tea and pretend that things might one day go back to normal. That the pieces of Zayn's heart might somehow go back together. Niall comes around, too. He makes Zayn sit and watch sports and makes Zayn participate. When Niall's around, Zayn feels like he might be able to touch the sunlight, but he just can't. It's just too far away. When Louis comes around, he looks at Zayn's paintings and tries not to flinch. He looks at the angry ones and caresses them. He sees the sad ones and smiles ruefully, wishing the same thing that Zayn does.

 

Three years later, Zayn has stopped painting. The paintings no longer resemble anger or sadness, they don't resemble anything. They're pieces of shit that Zayn despises and throws out the minute he's finished.

 

He learns to play the guitar and he's actually very good. He likes playing the slow songs, the ones Harry loved to hum late at night after they've made love. The songs make him feel a little closer to the happiness he once felt. A happiness that doesn't quite resonate.

 

Four years later, Zayn meets a boy in a bar named Lex. He has dark hair and green eyes and Zayn takes him home and fucks him. He fucks him until he's bone tired and he collapses. The next morning, he looks at the boy and feels disgusted with himself. He's not Harry, and it hurts.

 

Zayn goes out with friends. Liam and him go to concerts and listen to new bands. This one guy, a ginger named Ed, is really good and he and Liam go to see him more often than not. Niall takes him to football games and soccer matches and they pick separate teams and the loser has to buy drinks at the pub. Louis takes him to these fabulous art museums that Zayn gets lost in for hours.

 

Five years later, Zayn thinks maybe, just maybe, he's ready to move on. The ghost of Harry is like a shadow that he can't get rid of, but if he doesn't turn, he can forget it's there. He meets a girl named Perrie that is sweet and caring and she's lovely. She introduces Zayn to lots of new people and they have fun together.

 

When she says 'I love you,' Zayn doesn't say it back.

 

Six years later, Zayn is awoken to a pounding at his front door. He slips out of bed and opens the front door. What he sees freezes his bones in place and he can't stop staring at those green eyes that have been gone for so long. Harry smiles tentatively at him and asks if he can come in. Zayn lets him in.

 

Harry talks for hours. He tells Zayn about enlisting because he didn't have money for college and he didn't have anything else to fall back on after graduation. He tells Zayn that he broke up with him so that it wouldn't hurt him as much if Harry didn't make it back. He tells Zayn that he's missed him every day since he left and he wants him back. His green eyes are so wide, so honest, and Zayn wants to tell him to fuck off. That anything between them is ruined, but he knows it's a lie.

 

Instead, he takes Harry's coat and slides his shirt off. He leads Harry into the bedroom and they make love like it's been days rather than years. Harry is more muscled, less soft. He has a ragged edge about him that Zayn wants to know all about. His dimples are still as lovely as they were when they were sixteen and falling hard for the other.

 

Zayn starts to paint again. Paintings about two souls who lost their way, but eventually found their way home.

 


End file.
